Item #3: Those sexy Halloween costumes never seem to pander to University of Chicago interests. Create two of the following: Sexy gargoyle, Sexy Ratner, sexy cMore, sexy Simone de Beauvoir, sexy Arley D. Cathey. (5 points each)
Item #12: Sorry Windows 95 users, no Stellar Souvenirs for you! The Space Jam website’s downloads only work for Macintoshes running Netscape. Replace the “N” in your Netscape browser logo with a hypercool spinning basketball, using the download from the original website. (12.95 points)
Item #102: Thomas the Tank Engine and Theodore the Tugboat both adequately prepared me for the world of terrestrial and aquatic vehicles but times are changing. Create at 30-second video for today’s preschoolers that literally and figuratively puts a human face on Predator drones. (12 points)
Item #127: In his famous essay “Consider the Lobster:, David Foster Wallace investigates lobsters’ capacity to feel pain, but surely the pain of being boiled alive is only secondary to the many indignities of modern life. To that end, prove that lobsters really do feel pan by subjecting a live lobster to: heartbreak, work-related stress, existential dread, civil rights inequality, and sexual objectification. (11 points)
Item #150: We know that, as much as we hope they don’t, some Scavvies wear out during the Hunt and start to get a little sad. What if no one is in Headquarters when that happens!?! The solution? A hug machine! Must be platonic, but not cold, firm, but not uncomfortable. (<33 points. 10 more points if your team’s machine hugs another team’s machine before Judgment.)
Item #199: They say you eat with your eyes first. have your team’s best food stylists arrange and photograph a meal from a U of C dining hall that makes it look good enough to eat. Fake steam, acrylic ice, food coloring… all the usual tricks of the trade are fair game, but please provide a before photo of what the dish usually looks like for comparison. (12 points)
Item #252: Why isn’t there a comprehensive Wild Wild West wiki? Ideally called, “Wiki Wild Wild West”. Wiki wiki wild. Wiki wild. Wiki wild wild west. Like all good wikis, collaboration is encouraged. (3 points)
Hilarious Scav item selection from The Maroon, photos by Tom Tian.